Thanks John. Thanks a lot.
I was sitting at home, bored of watching re-airings of the 2010 IIHS World Junior Championship game, looking for a movie to watch. I’ve already seen every Pixar movie a dozen times, thanks to my 2 year old. I’ve already seen every romantic comedy, thanks to my wife. I’ve already seen Miracle and Slap Shot enough to quote each movie line for line. What I needed was a good, old fashioned action movie. What to watch…?
Then I look at Twitter.
Why didn’t anyone warn YOU!? Why didn’t you warn US with a spolier alert!?
You may have thought you were helping those of us who hadn’t yet seen Rihanna’s tour-de-force performance/ Liam Neeson’s best movie since Taken Darkman Star Wars: The Phantom Menace, but you didn’t. You ruined it for me. You sir are a jerk. A Jerkey Jerkey Jerk Jerk Jerk.
Carlson essentially got on Twitter and yelled to the world “ROSEBUD IS A SLED!”, “HE IS KAISER SOZE!” and “HER EX-BOYFRIEND IS BRETT FAVRE!” all at the same time. YOU JUST DON’T DO THAT!
Apparently you missed that Brooklyn Decker was in Battleship and Zac Efron was not, which automatically makes it NOT the worst movie ever. Besides, have you seen EVERY movie!? Didn’t think so…
So the moral of this story: Don’t let John Carlson near your milk! He’ll just spoil it!