Barring a sudden turn of events in the ongoing ‘Semyon Varlamov to the KHL’ saga, it appears that Washington Capitals’ fans may not see Varly rocking the red again (or not for a while, at least). The DC love affair with Varly that began with his face-saving performance against the New York Rangers in the spring of 2009 seems to have run its course. Many fans have already anointed his battery-mate Michal Neuvith (or waiting-in-the-wings Braden Holtby) the future starter.
-Turns out Varly is friends with Evgeny Nabokov. So when Nabokov asked Varly to help save his reputation by pretending to be dumb and signing with the KHL too, Semyon had to do it for his friend.
-Varly heard that Olaf Kolzig gets mad and breaks things. Knowing how fragile he is, Semyon figured he’d better get out now while he can.
-Based on Varlamov’s agent’s statement that “The Capitals were getting ready for the new negotiations”when they sat Varly, it’s obvious that Semyon’s injuries were actually caused by chaffing from all the aluminum foil he wears under his pads so ‘they’ can’t steal his thoughts.
-Varly ran out of famous Americans to put on his goal mask. Time for some famous Russians!
-”Robbed Crosby? Check. Won a Winter Classic? Check. Stole the job from two goalies in the playoffs? Check. Sorry guys, looks like my ‘to do in DC’ list is finished.”
-Did you know that “Varly” actually translates to ‘Get out we hate you’ in Russian? Varly has been crying ever since that first Rangers series…
-Varly fans that purchased his #40 jersey and his #1 jersey (and now someone else’s jersey) have all been nominated for the Masterton Trophy for perseverance, sportsmanship, and dedication to jersey sales ice hockey. I You guys might want to hold off on buying that Semin jersey as a replacement though…
-The word ‘groin’ is now defined as “what Semyon Varlamov kicked his fans in when he left DC.”