2011 All Star Fantasy Science Theatre 3000

The NHL All Star weekend kicked off tonight with the fantast draft. In the White, Team Staal, captained by Marc Staal who was flaked by Mike Green and Patrick Kane. In the red, Team Lidstrom, helmed by Nicklas Lidstrom with his first mates Ryan Kelser and Martin St. Louis. while all the experts made their picks, and will spend the next 48 hours taking about which team is better. We at RTR wanted to do something a little, well, different.

We all knew Green would pull for Ovechkin and Kessler would go last. The heads within the NHL tried to give it a feel of a real draft night but with chippy comments,  banter and horrible off the cuff interviews. We all know much more fun  trying to figure out what the players are saying and thinking. It would of been much more enterating if we could listen to the “peanut Gallery” after each pick. So JumpingTheGlass and I sat down for a little chat session during the draft to give you the next best thing – what we thought they were saying.  Okay now it was a little odd: two grown, married men on the computer chatting over AIM. Our wives made fun, rolled their eyes, and laughed at the interent bro-date which commenced, but what came out of it was RockThe Red’s own NHL All Star Fantasy Science Theatre 3000.



So in order of the Draft here are some of our more memorable gems along with our breakdown of who will win which event.

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JumpingTheGlass: So far, this is less entertaining than Jersey Shore.

JtG: Cam Ward…Gotta be
Wes: Homer
JtG: Ok, now you take someone ACTUALLY good…
Wes: Wow Stamkos…that was a shocker…not

Wes: Did he (Ovie) say they were stuck in the bar? I’d figure Ovie would at least get him a new scooter.

Wes: Toews got snubbed
JtG: Toews looks pissed…..Screw that American….I’m gonna go Cabbie on him.

JtG: Ovie: “Ok, now do your mind-meld thing on me and we’ll be unstoppable too” (referring to one of the Sedin’s, Which one neither we nor Ovie know which)

Wes: Keith and Chara   tough combo
JtG: Hardest shot: won for Team Staal.

JtG: Ovie is sexting someone…Oops, why is Green now checking his phone?

JtG: Rick Nash + Ovie….That’s a dream of mine…

Wes: who will go first a Penguin or a Flyer?
JtG: Lets see…everyone hates both teams

JtG: Hiller is the steal of the draft…..Can he wear those glasses under his mask? Please?

JtG: Then Pick a Ranger. An ‘eff you bro’ pick.
Wes: Flyer went first  take that Gary Bettmen!

JtG: So, who will be wearing the ‘Go Pro’ helmet cam tomorrow? The commercial feels like foreshadowing.
Wes: Well Chara would be like the Sky-Cam…tried that at the WC, didn’t work
JtG: ‘Hellooooo down there!”….Put it on Price’s helmet, so we can watch him flinch and duck at every shot…

JtG: Elias: “At least I don’t have to play with that Kovalbum this weelend.”

JtG: Kessel IS going to go last.
Wes:  Most exciting thing is who gets picked last
JtG:No one respects the Leafs.

Wes: get the Waffles!
JtG: HAHAHAHA!…Everyone hates Kessel…..The entirety of Boston just laughed…..”We take Zetterberg.”…”Go home Phil”….”Actually, go get me a coffee.”
Wes: “I’ll donate to the Toronto Maple Leafs”
JtG: HAHA!…Who gets the car?…MVP of the game gets a car; loser of the weekend gets a car.
Wes:  Its like Oprah  everyone gets a car…and a bacon cheeseburger


We left off the “analysis” because it is the All Star game, and like the draft itself, means a whole lot of nothing with the excepction of the confirmation that everyone hates Phil Kessel.

Fastest Skater – Toss-up

Hardest Shot: Team Staal

Shootout: Team Staal

Breakaway: Toss-up

Accuracy: Team Lidstrom

The Big Game: Team Lidstrom: A Solidly built squad with more experience which will more likely play a system. Over/Under well put at 12 and take the under.  So we are taken under, for a 6-5. Basically a Capitals game from midseason last year….